Diary of a Doomed Dater
Do you know what it’s like to be constantly rejected by guys?
I hate myself for getting upset by it because I am a feminist, I did engineering, in a class with all men, I saw first-hand exactly what they’re like and I still get caught up with the flattery and the one liners and all the other rubbish that comes out of their mouths.
However, this is not a sad piece, everything I say is dripping with some form pessimism or plain old sarcasm as I aim to give you my own failed experiences as a doomed dater on Tinder.
I was on Tinder, so therefore I am a serial dater, or so I like to think, I thought I was skilfully playing this game just like the guys because if I’m honest I am not exactly on this desperate search for someone to be my boyfriend, I just wanted to get out there, meet some people and if it happened it happened. Well guess what, five deleted Tinder accounts later I admit defeat, if anyone wants to send me their cats I promise I’ll give them a good home.
What is with the pessimistic views, well the majority of lads are total eejits, you can’t berate them or call them assholes because they’re actually too stupid to know what they even did wrong.
I have gone on a lot of first dates, even second dates, but never a third date, because that may mean something serious, or even mean that a guy could be developing feelings, so a third date with the same girl just means ball and chain, and these free single stallions could never possibly be tied down, for shame!
I feel like my love life has turned into some form of bad reality TV show where I am getting Punk’d constantly with a shot of First Dates thrown into the mix for good measure, because I have had the shiftiest first dates imaginable, trust me, I couldn’t make this up if I tried.
Let us meet the eligible bachelors that Tinder has to offer;
Our first tinder-fella is closer to 30 then 20, still lives with his mother, and hasn’t had a relationship for longer than eight weeks, because he thinks all women are psychos trying to trap him, yeah why wouldn’t you date him like? Well Einstein here thought he was a catch, because “we were on the same wave length”, well two dates later, he is trying to schedule me in between binge drinking sessions with his friends because he doesn’t want to feel like he’s missing out on life. Seriously dude you have been single practically your whole life, have you not gone out enough?
So this thorough gent was supposed to be taking me out Sunday, which meant THIRD date, I know I was also hearing wedding bells….NOT, until he got roaring drunk with his friends the night before and didn’t get home in time to go out. This didn’t bother me of course, because I always have a backup plan in place and thought no more about it. Being a 21st century strong independent woman I asked him out last night, because I’m young free and single, I wholeheartedly did not expect to get sideswiped by his response of “getting back with the ex I told you about”, followed by the super romantic, “what can I say she “convinced” me to give it another try”, this was also followed by suggestive winky faced emoji’s, I have totally no idea what he meant of course she obviously made a persuasive argument….
Needless to say I am totally devastated and I just don’t know how I can go on.
Which brings me to the next tinder-fella, hiding behind door number 2; This guy was a personal trainer, he was and still is beautiful, however, he dissed my choice of soft drink, annihilated me at pool twice, lectured me on being sarcastic and pessimistic because it isn’t the “universes” way and told me he didn’t watch TV because he simply had a life, I only asked had he seen any good movies lately! Dream-boat!
I didn’t get a second date because he felt there wasn’t a “spark”, well I guess he is more than just a pretty face isn’t he.
Tinderfella number three and I are still great friends, he, however, is not boyfriend material, but he is young he may learn yet, but from my previous experience and research, please see above, I can’t see that happening! Now we went on two dates, to the same cinema to see the exact same movie, now maybe it’s me and my creative imagination but usually if you go to see a movie you have already seen you aren’t going to watch the movie? *wink*wink*nudge*nudge*
Well I saw Batman vs Superman twice with the same guy, I could write a pretty specific summary and review of it, unfortunately.
He liked me so much he moved to Dublin to get out of a third date, so by no means have I not considered that maybe I’m the issue here……
Now I will be totally honest, tinderfella number 4 is a sore spot, this guy I had been talking to for a while, a good while, he was out of a long term relationship about 8 weeks when we met, yes, I ignored the little alarming voices in my head telling me to run for the hills, in my defence I told him it was too early to date anyone else, but he spent weeks convincing me otherwise, this resulted in a dinner date, followed closely only a few days later by date number two, where he met me after work to see a movie. Now this one even arranged date number three because he felt a “spark”, but of course too good to be true came to mind and he decided he wasn’t ready for another relationship because his ex had hurt him so much, he is still on Tinder looking for love, so please form an orderly queue.
Well if that isn’t four good enough reasons to stay off Tinder I really don’t know what is, however if you do manage to match with any of them I wish you the best of luck on your two dates!
If anyone needs me I’ll be in my pyjamas somewhere feeding my hundred cats.
Lots of love but not third dates,
Not So Dumb Blonde